Acoustic guitar players are scum!
Hear me out.
How many times have you seen guitarist capture the attention of their immediate environment just because they carry the instrument?
Why can’t they stand the irrepressible need of carrying the guitar around when there’s absolutely no need to send the guitar where they are headed?
It gets worse when it’s a guy with a fairly okay voice to sing along, instantly all the female species draw nigh and begin to swoon over him like he was the last breed of an endangered species (if I had my way trust that he’d be endangered, that’s for sure).
I’ll tell you what; these guys are responsible for numerous tensions and break ups in relationships.
There are stats to back this; I’m just too lazy at the time of writing to actually compile them.
Forgive me for this but look back to the that time “your lady” allayed your fears by telling you she was only having guitar lessons with that dude… ahh… they’re now posting snaps of their 3 months anniversary, tsk sad.
Remember the night your fiancé got moody on the drive back home after your friend who played the guitar sang an Ed Sheeran song to his girl at the couple’s night out?
You did absolutely no wrong bro, in fact you were your most behaved self since the day your Ma gave you that stern look at that party when you were 5!
See the issue here?
Relationship wreckers the whole lot of them.
Now onto the reason for this post.
Towards the end of last year in a temporary moment of madness I made some sort of a resolution to learn the acoustic guitar, I really don’t know why but since I made it I had to stick to it.
And like fate would have it, my kid brother got an acoustic guitar but before he could even bring it home his roommates destroy it.
Upon hearing it I was livid but Iater I understood their actions, to them that was probably a reminder of that bitter break up, one can’t really blame them.
A few months into 2017 my brother again gets another guitar handed to him by a friend and I was the one with the resolution to learn the instrument but each time he was the one that ended up with one.
The instrument kept choosing him but I played it cool because in the end we both get to learn together.
After all, what is mine is his and his is mine… but no… my sense of brotherly ownership was shockingly misplaced. This boy smuggled the guitar to school without having the courtesy to give a heads up. So trashy and he’s usually well behaved, there’s only one catalyst for this unruly change- The Acoustic Guitar!
Clearly he’s lost on the principle of “mi borrowed guitar es su borrowed guitar” or just bad at spanish.
The most excruciating thing about the whole thing was he came back on vacation having a decent hold of the guitar- intermediate level and is now going about disturbing the whole neighborhood showing off how good he is and as you can imagine some guy elsewhere is wondering why his girlfriend has become distant all of a sudden, the poor lad has no clue (learn the triangle dude).
It’s quite impressive how the boy has quickly learnt the instrument giving me hope that I can same.
Also it should be easy as I can find my way around the piano… Oh how wrong I was, the acoustic isn’t easy as it seems it’s a whole world of pain for your finger tips, nothing you’ve experienced yet.
I’ve been called a big baby because I think pressing and sliding your fingers against and across the devilish strings is unbearable but that’s just more fuel to master it.
Now to address the lingering questions in your heads, why I want to learn the guitar when I think those who play are scum?
I would have liked for my answer to be: I’m learning the instrument so I can help teach my fellow brothers who are falling prey to these unforgiving and inconsiderate predators and expose their methods and schemes so the normal Joe can stand a chance at a happily ever after.
I’d be lying if I said that.
Teaching you guys would just increase the number of scum walking the earth and that wouldn’t be good. So instead I’m sacrificing myself to absorb as much scum as I can to make the world a better place.
See I have good intentions for y’all… I hope you wish me luck as I go face this hideous beast.
I have about 2 months to learn it as the young man is back for the long vac so I can tame it. I would’ve bought one for myself but that wouldn’t be good for climate change and all… you know we have to save the planet.
On a more serious note learning a musical instrument is extremely fun and frustrating in equal measure.
The two go hand in hand, you can’t have the fun without the frustration it’s a complete package.
Start today, pick an instrument and get on the internet teach yourself and in 5 years time you might be a pro or don’t learn it at all and in 5 years time… you’ll be… well… just 5 years older.
Adios amigos!
The Silent Schmoozer 