A question that leaves me scratching my head. Not cos I lack self-identity, far from it. I know who I am, Oh I really do, just ask Sinach. The problem is trying to capture and encapsulate such awesomeness and magnificence in sentences and paragraphs. It just wouldn’t do me justice. Believe me for I am no braggart.
So to save time which is money… I’ll say I am a bundle of SUGAR, SPICE and EVERYTHING NICE but without the toxic chemical X.
Now hold it there! Don’t make the mistake of misconstruing my self-confidence to be arrogance. Relax while I attempt to unravel the enigma that I am.
See long before I was born there was a prophecy, about me, the chosen one, one so humble and meek yet very courageous and strong willed. One who would one day defeat the Dark Lord and pulverize his behind into oblivion. Credit may be given to the English boy with the lightning scar but “iscuu iscuu” for I like being in the shadows disguised amongst you in simple spectacles. Left to me alone I’d be walking down the streets topless displaying that big “S” obviously without the pants out on the tights cos let’s face it that’s so lame. My only fear is you touching me causing me to transform into a BIG GREEN MEAN FIGHTING MACHINE.
I hear whispers of me being an egomaniac, but that’s just like Tony Stark I’m a misunderstood genius or maybe it’s cos I have a swagger so strong I remain classy like a ballerina pirouetting graciously as she entertains her audience. Or because I have a bond with vodka so strong my martini is always shaken not stirred whiles on her majesty’s service innit?
Contrary to popular belief, I am but a mere mortal (blood and water) though the Greeks think me to be the rightful heir of Zeus forget Hercules. Don’t bother, spare yourself the hassle of searching through the annals of Greek history for it will take you on an adventure not even Asterix and Obelix would dare. For I assiduously ripped that part out like a Viking chancing upon a barrel full of ale and wiped out all memories of myself with my resplendent smile.
I am quite reserved, succinct and keep to myself a lot for I love my peace of mind hence don’t go probing the lives of others unlike those meddling kidz and their dog. But when I am comfy around you, you’d think me a relative of The Joker. I will bring you unbridled joy you’d scream out hohoho! Like it was that time of the year. We’d have to rush you to the hospital but where’s the sense in that when his assistant the wabbit will ask “hey, what’s up doc?!”
I’m known in some quarters as the Cinderella man cos the ladies dig me, human torch sake of my ravishingly good looks, some say I’m unbreakable as the captain’s shield made out of uranium, fierce as a wolverine, smooth as a criminal but elusive like the Coyote’s road runner, skillful and talented like I was globe-trotting with ‘em Harlem boys, devilishly troublesome as one who hails from Tasmania. They say I have a mind so mega I gave life to a boy called Frank Einstein who later changed his name to Albert as they labelled him a monster cos their eyes had never beheld such intellect and brilliance.
Regardless of all that, I am but an earthling walking the face of the earth seeking to please my heavenly father JESUS CHRIST whiles achieving life’s goals, trying to brighten every corner I find myself in. Making it a point to influence positively the lives of people around me. Things will be written, rumours will flare and run wild but remember you don’t need to throw a skyline as a distress call ala Gotham city to catch my attention, I don’t promise to be there in time as quick as a flash or shoot webs to carry me over buildings to your end, nor cruise in a bat mobile but one thing is certain I will fight for you even if it is in waterloo. And maybe like Achilles I may lose my heel. That I don’t mind cos that is what friends do. Just ask Patrick who has a sponge in square pants for a friend.
Once you get to know me you’ll see that I’m quite the prolix albeit a quiet one as such so just call me THE SILENT SCHMOOZER.